Alone, in her darkness, she wondered again if it would ever end. She already knew the answer. The screams never stopped. The hot smell of burning rotting flesh tore at her mind. The acidic sulfuric gases had long ago burned out her sense of smell. Her eyes were wide open and yet she could not see whatever was bumping into her, clawing at her body. Her mind raced in so many fearful directions and then again the screams.
She didn’t know if she had any clothes on. It wouldn’t really matter if she did, they would only burn away. She knew those who were around her. She knew the horrible crime they had committed. She knew they deserved to be in that horrible place. Some had lived long lives of hedonistic pleasure. Others were cut down early without much impact in their time. Each had passed the same opportunity; made the same choice and willing desired to have their own way. What they didn’t know then, what she didn’t know was the reward they had chosen. Now at long last she and they had their reward.
Here in the scorching heat, she could not seem to recall what it was that was so distasteful to her about the other way. She had friends, even family who had chosen that way. She thought about how many times they had appealed to her. Oh if someone could just turn off those screams! There were times when she saw the sense of that way. It was appealing and yet it seemed so unreal.
When she had looked at the world around her with all its cruelty it did not seem like anyone could possibly be in control. That desperate feeling was nothing compared to now. Now she could sense every muscle and nerve of her body. Now she knew the reality of constant unrelenting pain and agony. She wondered what her body looked like with all of the scars and open wounds. She had been nice to look on at one time. Now no one was looking. Now no one cared. She couldn’t tell if she had eyes anymore or if they had been boiled in their sockets by the intense heat. She was so very, very thirsty. Just one drop of water on her tongue would be worth all the treasures she could have known in life. Yet she was alive. Oh, she had experienced death, physical death. She thought that was going to be the end.
Then she opened her eyes in torment and in a single moment experienced more agony and suffering than she had heard of in her entire life. Some had tried to tell her about eternal life. She had heard of the blessings and joys of praising around the throne of the king of the universe. They had said the soul that sins will surely die. Now she knew there is also an eternal living death as well.
She had been there in that horrible painful place for longer than she could recall. And the screams simply will not stop. She wanted to shout “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” She tried to cover her ears to block them out. She couldn’t tell if she even had hands, there was no sensation but the pain.
Maybe her hands had been ripped off by the incessant clawing and biting. She had thought death would be a welcome relief to the misery she had come to know in life. It was neither welcome nor relief.
She remembered every word that had been spoken to convince her to choose the way. Every scripture which had been read or quoted or written somewhere was continually running through her mind. How was she supposed to know it was true? How could anyone expect her to believe someone else would love her enough to take her place before the judgment seat of God? She hadn’t ever really bought into the whole “God thing”. Now she knew. Even though she could not see, she knew. She knew that there was a creator God and that He allowed His greatest creation, human beings, to choose whether or not to love Him back.
She knew that God so loved the world, even her, and sent His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. She had rejected that promise. In fact she had rejected Him. She determined she would have no God to rule over her. She knew that she only had to believe by faith that Jesus is God’s deliverer and that God raised Him from the dead. She only had to confess Him before others and He would have granted her eternal life. She knew. As she thought about it she became more and more angry. She cursed His name again as she had so many times in life.
She couldn’t even hear herself cursing God. Those incessant screams of terror and agony covered any sounds she attempted to make. Water was a distant memory. As was any satisfaction she had ever experienced. She knew there was no deliverance from this place. She knew the pain and torment would never go away. She knew she hated the hatred that had placed her here. She knew that she would never know the love that could have kept her away from this eternal agony. She would never experience the balm of Gilead nor the grace of God’s forgiveness.
Oh, when would those screams ever stop? When would they ever soften, even for a moment? Louder and louder they grew if it were possible. Each scream brought unrelenting agonizing increases in the level of pain. She had been there, dying for eternity, for only one minute and she knew that the screams, the unending screams of intolerable pain beyond death were coming from her own mouth.