Finding The Victory is not difficult. For when it is given, it is announced and delivered without flourish or fanfare. The victory is simply there. It was given to me in a clear sweet voice and it said “Tonight, you have the victory which you desire”. I immediately rejoiced and praised His name loudly and openly as soon as I was able, I proclaimed His goodness and deliverance before all who would hear. I had long sought victory from that sin which did so easily drag me down.
The shame of the sin kept my soul in bondage for many years. I did it willingly and enjoyed benefits it brought. Now I felt the shackles were gone. I heard His gentle laughter as I skipped a step or two. It was marvelous to be free. It still is. I am encouraged to finally write this by the conversation I had recently with a brother who has been held in the same torment as I was. I could sense the questions. “Where did it go? What did you do? How can I?” To which I have no actionable response.
First it was not me. I was the prisoner, shackled so that even if I had been given the key, I could not have put it in the lock. If anyone could have put the key in the lock, I could not have turned it. It was not my jailer for he delighted in my bondage and torment. Nor was it the well-meaning friends who visited and encouraged me even though they did not know what I was in for.
It was not even those who attempted to persuade me that I could simply walk away.
It was Him; The Lord Jesus who created the universe. In His proper moment He allowed my life to begin in my mother’s womb. He superintended my life, protecting me from death and influencing my life with the love and compassion of others who loved Him. Still I made my own choices. I had some influences and opportunities. Without any knowledge of Jesus I had no desire to go in His direction, so I chose the other.
Satan is devious and intelligent. He is a powerful foe but he is a defeated foe. He can have no control over us that we do not seek or allow. So he works on us before we are influenced by the Lord. He also seeks out those who profess the Lord and tempts them as well. His lures are beautiful and appealing. He promises pleasure and delivers it. He encourages and rewards. He is not afraid to twist scripture and is a master manipulator. He told you this was for your benefit. He told you to ignore the cost.
The bondage was physical, emotional, spiritual and consuming. The cost was devastating, the shame overwhelming and the expectation was that eventually everyone would know. The freedom was instantaneous, unrestrained and without recourse. I could not undo the freedom. The chains were gone.
The relief was complete and soothing. In order to be in such bondage again would require that I purposely put myself in harm’s way, push aside the Grace of almighty God and place myself in a different prison of the same making.
He is truth. He is love. He is your creator, your Savior and very importantly, He is your friend. He cleanses and restores. He paid the cost which Satan told you not to worry about.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek the Lord. Pray without ceasing. For many years these were my battle cries as I would surrender continually to that which disgusted me. To claim to be rightly related to Jesus and to continue in the abundance of sin seemed to deny the very salvation I desperately clung to. Knowing that in spite of the secrecy, He still chose to use me to influence others for good did little to assuage the guilt. Knowing that others respected and depended upon me for spiritual leadership and guidance weighed heavy on any enthusiasm I might have attempted to portray.
Let me just be honest and open and tell you what it is. The besetting, overwhelming, putrid sin which held me in bondage for so many years was the one you are held by.
It is pride, arrogance, selfishness, rebellion, pornography, gossip, stealing, alcohol, drugs, food addiction, embezzling, cruelty or some other. Maybe even a combination of these. You name it and it is in the same category. Sin Binds and holds and imprisons and keeps you from being fully used as God servant.
Isaiah 40:31 They that wait upon the Lord SHALL renew their strength… it takes time. God is in no rush.
I said finding the victory was not difficult and I meant it. Difficult was hiding it for so many years from all of those close to you.
Difficult was trying to pray to a Holy God while knowing you cannot hide the sin you are pretending to hide. Difficult is wanting to find someone to confide in and believing that no one would not be so disgusted that they would only shun you.
Difficult is listening to others confess they have been delivered from your sin and pretending you are not so afflicted. Choosing to sin is difficult. It means that you have defeated the armies of the Lord which were sent to encourage you. It means your reasoning is more valuable to you than His.
It means you have placed yourself as the king on a throne you do not deserve and usurped authority which is not yours. All of this is deserving of the condemnation of God. And that is very, very difficult.