I have a disease for which there is but one cure. Yet, it may not be one which I choose to endure. The soul, the body and the mind desire to be pure.Though I must protest it seems to be an improper allure. For if it were possible to take you on a tour; of the heart of the matter and write it in a brochure;Would you see through my eyes all I claim to secure? Or could it be my motives seem unsure. In all the ways of life where I proclaim to be mature. The evidence surrounding me appears somewhat premature. So do my words reveal that I’m just a clever entrepreneur? Or that this heart seems to stink like fresh green manure?
And so this battle rages within the person that I am. Some days there are flashes of unselfish kindness but they are scattered wide. For amongst the list of good I might be accused of are mountains of selfish me-isms. “I” is the biggest problem. Self awareness is an enemy and a friend. Knowing Jesus is the greatest gift a person can receive in this life. In order to know Him as Savior, you must first recognize yourself as a selfish sinner. There must also be an acknowledgement that He is the authority in all matters and you personally are indeed guilty by His law. For those who successfully arrive at this juncture the reconciliation of those two thoughts has eternal impact. Manning up and making yourself as some great one has devastating consequences. Accepting Him, His ways, His Word and surrendering to His will provides joy and peace beyond human understanding.
Here is the greatest challenge in this life: Do I believe there is no one quite as wonderful as me or am I truly the object of His love and affections? In other words am I the great I am or is He? I often say one thing with my words and another with my flesh. I desire the most comfort for my flesh which can be obtained. I want to be cool in summer and warm in winter. I want to enjoy all I can eat and maintain an appearance of body which shows that I seldom eat. I claim to listen to the out pouring of souls, while many times I am just waiting for my turn to interject my great wisdom. The motives, the methods, the madness of selfishness are all mine. On the outside the desire is to glorify God and serve others. Yet many times the truth and reality is that I intend to put me first.
This is certainly not a new concept and I’m clueless as to whether I have improved upon anyone else’s mastery of it. This one thing I know, whereas I once was blind now I see. There was a time when it was only me. I did not seem to have an inkling of the existence of my creator. There I was, only interested in satisfying me and ensuring that I got all I thought I deserved. Ego is what we call it. I am great in my own eyes. It is sufficient to me that the world should see their primary job is to benefit me. I gave no thought to origins or costs or purposes. My perspective was solely centered on the most perfect place in the universe as I saw it, me. After all, there was the continuous bombardment of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. I walked, no, I strutted in full agreement with every lie I was fed.
Then one day someone said “Do you know that Jesus died for you?” I’m sure I had probably heard that before but this time it produced a response within me. It was probably something like “Well, he should have because I am worth it”. But in that moment a measuring stick was changed within me. If I was worthy of someone giving their life for me, then that one who died had the greater value and was more than I. Now that could not have set well with my self-important, all consuming, concept of me being the great I am. The struggle that ensued resulted, as it does in all the world, in my recognizing my creator God Jehovah and His sacrifice for me personally in Jesus the Christ of God on the crucifixion. I repented of my transgression against Him and accepted the forgiveness He provided. At that moment He became my all in all. He is from that time all that matters and all that is worthy of any praise or honor or glory from my meager existence.
But then there is this disease, It comes from before and even though all of before has been washed away, it comes by my choosing. I decided that Jesus is the Great I AM, because nothing could be found to honestly argue against it. Still in my mirror is the one who would find cause to step in front of the Savior to intercept that which is truly the Lord’s. He is worthy and I, the “me” that thinks that maybe I am still worthy of being seen as great, that “I” wants a piece of the action. If I take a little piece then I desire more. In short order it is not just a little more but an avalanche of more. It is a disease as insidious as cancer and bears no external evidences. I can be swallowed up in its clutches without anyone around me perceiving my condition.
At least until it reaches the infectious stages. Others will see how well I am able to lie and still carry the infection. They will admire and imitate and cultivate all they see in me. Then, when the whole of the body of believers is so indulged, the Spirit of the Living God will cry out among them and cleanse those who will surrender and forsake those who will not with the dreaded words “Depart from Me, I NEVER knew you”.
Self is distorted by a single incongruity, a lie. The lie says “did God REALLY say that?” It does not deny God, His creation, His love or His plan. What it distorts is whether you fully understood how marvelously important you are. After all you are the result of His greatest creative act. He desires you to be like Him. So where is the twist that condemns? It is by changing the measuring stick from the creator to the created. Self is exalted and sin enters in. So how is it possible to overcome this challenge? I die daily. I confess that I am not worthy of His gift and yet accept it because He is worthy who gives it. Any trial I endure brings Him glory as He sustains me through it. Any praise I receive passes directly to Him for I have done nothing of good which has not been brought to pass by Him. No words I write, thoughts I think or deeds I do are of any value if they are not His and for His glory. The wood, hay and stubble are burned into nothing as the gold, silver and precious stones are melted and molded into the crown upon which is written “Servant of Jesus the Christ, Lord of Lords and King of Kings”.
I have this disease.