Nobody knew what his decision was. They only knew he was gone. His father had said he was too big for his britches. He wanted to see the world. Being raised on horses and loneliness was not what he desired. But it was the lot he had been dealt in his young life. He had been a decent student in school but the world seemed to turn too slowly for him. Everyday was a new conflict. Everything seemed to be another war. A high school dropout doesn’t have many options in an education driven country. Still he was smart enough to make a good decision and he was gone.
Basic training encouraged him and he soaked in the schooling in the new radar technology. He did well with math. He easily learned those things which interested him. So he learned her name and what she liked. It was a whirlwind romance. He made another decision. They were married before he left for Korea. Then he was gone. It was of course, the next war. His first son was born while he was gone.
He returned home and left the military. He learned quickly and moved through several promotions. Soon he was working for a man who saw potential and gave him a future. Alamogordo, New Mexico was warm. There were battles and victories. He had three sons now.
Then He got the call. Would he like to work for the space program? He made another decision and then he was gone.
It was exciting working with so many smart people and seven astronauts with the right stuff. But he couldn’t move up without overcoming an old battle. He did night school and correspondence. The rest of school did not come as easy as the math he enjoyed. But he was a problem solver. He solved this one. The diploma was a long overdue accomplishment. With every accomplishment he moved to greater responsibilities. The Gemini spacecraft program was his chance to move ahead of those college grads. Then somebody else made a decision. Skylab was his. His star had risen and he shined. But the wars weren’t over.
Constantly looking for love in all the wrong places led them both to places they didn’t want to be. So he made the decision. He was gone. The divorce left six confused children and a devastated wife. He stayed as far away as he could even though he was near. The heavy drinking of alcohol and heavy smoking habits took their toll on his physical health over the rest of his life. They were daily decisions. They were deadly decisions.
His need to relocate was met by the opening in the new military missile program. He despised the making of military weapons. He had avoided that battle as long as he was in the space program. Now he was using his talent for problem solving in an arena he did not want to be in. When the program was canceled, he had a chance to pitch his idea that had been ignored. It was a decision he would regret for years.
His success led to the Navy’s Harpoon Cruise Missile being deployed around the world. He enjoyed the accolades. He dreaded the thought of his participation being used to bring death and destruction. It was an internal war he would battle for many years. He tried to reestablish relationships with his children. Life wasn’t easy. Decisions had to be made. He was proud of some of them. Others haunted him. When the battle reports from Shock and Awe revealed a precision and lack of collateral damage unheard of in modern warfare, he sighed. It was his decision, his choice, his guidance systems that lead to thousands of civilian lives being saved. His years of regret turned into relief. He won that battle. He made another decision and was gone.
Retirement was fun. He farmed, raised fancy fowl and fed all the deer who could leap over the ten foot fence surrounding his victory garden. He entertained his grandchildren. His wife returned to her faith in Christ and he once more pondered the decision. When she was baptized at fifty five years, he stood close by and shed a few tears. He had resisted making a commitment for many years although he often considered it. He had several good examples around him to consider. He was getting older. He knew he was nearing the last of his decisions. So much of what had been important battles at the time, now were very distant. But faith had never been settled.
When his wife found him in the morning, he was in his comfortable recliner facing the morning sun. He had died during the night. He had made it through sixty seven birthdays. His reading glasses lay in his lap. His bible was open to the page he had been seeking wisdom from. He had been pondering the decision he had not been certain of. He had considered the evidence. Perhaps he had surrendered. Perhaps he had prayed. Perhaps he did, it had been my prayer for years. Perhaps, but regardless of perhaps, he had made his decision. And he was gone. Nobody knew what his decision was. They only knew he was gone.