Beginning excuses come in a flood of variety. They did, she was, it wasn’t my fault, I had no choice; I didn’t see, know, feel, believe, etc. None of them are completely valid, of course. Still we babble them as though they contain some magic elixir capable of exonerating and declaring us as innocent as the driven snow. Before we even come to the end of our “Wasn’t me, couldn’t be” utterance, we are already concocting the lies and nuances of truth we’ll need to support our defense. We rely heavily on our premise that “No one understands like Jesus” and He will forgive us anyway.
The sad truth is that most folks do understand our shortcomings, having “Been there, done that” way too many times themselves. And it is not just Jesus who understands and forgives. We are almost certainly never worthy of the grace and mercy we are given by other suffering saints, even the ones we have hurt through our actions or lack of action. The consequences of our choices lead us into paths of shame for His names sake and ours too.
That is where the continuing level of excuses bubble up. They become necessary when the fallacy of our first attempts become self-evident. They twist, mold and even deny the veracity of the previous explanations which clearly have established a fallacious ground work for our defense.
Denial, imaginatively created circumstantial evidence, preposterous leaps of logic and bald faced lying are the inevitable progression. Some days we get there quicker than others. Some days we don’t make it at all. In our age of cameras everywhere and digital enhancement, some evidence simply is undeniable and we must surrender to truth. Not our version of the truth but the raw, unadulterated, God sees all truth. You did it. You know it. Hang your head in shame, shut your mouth and quit making a fool out of yourself while trying to mock the intelligence of those you have offended. According to the inmates, there’s not a guilty soul among them. Yet if they ever had an “Honest before God” moment, they just don’t want it to be true that they were caught.
So how did we get there? Let me be completely vulnerable and do what my wife detests the most. Let me tell the truth about my past. Why? Because who we are now, in this present moment and circumstance is a compilation of where we have been and what we have chosen. Choices are not all that easy. We are influenced, have desires, believe the lies and seek what we do not understand. Still they are our own choices. We made them, promoted them, supported them and accepted the benefits and consequences. Here is how it starts. “My name is John and I am a serial sinner.” First steps are courageous we are told. In reality they are such a departure from our previous journey that we do them in such utter amazement that we cannot even believe we just said that out loud and on purpose.
It is not a real comfort that there are three or thirteen other confessors sitting in your circle nodding in agreement. The only real comfort is in a relationship with Jesus Christ. Maybe I lead a sheltered live or just do not run in the right circles but I have never spoken to anyone in any other religion who has the comfort and assurance of the forgiveness of their sins. They all see them as a huge wall against them which can only be overcome by much penance and acts of contrition accompanied by works intended to please their god and make them acceptable to their deity. Only in the promises of the Holy Bible is the complete restoration of fallible people made with their creator whom they have offended. And only by the simple acceptance of what He did on Calvary’s cross is that restoration possible.
So back to how we got to this point. Sin begins early in life. We are born in sin, with a nature bent toward sin, selfishness and self-exaltation. As soon as we are able we lie, we desire what we do not have and we demand. Sin is defined by God as the transgression of His law. In other words, anything we do that is not the result of our total faith in Him and His abilities to provide every good thing, is sin. Without going into the gory details, I lied, stole, cheated, wrongly desired, thought murderous angry thoughts, cursed God and rebelliously defy authority. All before the age of five. All in response to the examples and judgments of those around me. Later when the lying became premeditated and the sexual sin became prevalent, patterns were so deeply ingrained that derailing them was unimaginable. Why in the world would anyone want to deny themselves the pleasure of sin for a season? I certainly didn’t.
At age ten our parents late night parties left tobacco and alcohol and pornography to be consumed in the early Sunday morning hours. Attending church was never considered. By middle teens the divorce and violence of our formerly loving parents going their separate ways brought opportunities to be influenced by sexual predators and involvement in the pornography industry. Stealing was already an established habit; lying was a fairly perfected art. Violence inflicted upon others and received was often nearly deadly. The judges sitting in courtrooms gave dire warnings while knowing where most of these cases would end. Yes, I left out a lot. Wickedness begets wickedness just as kindness begets kindness. I believed I had not experienced much kindness. So I responded with what I knew.
Yet someone somewhere had met me and was praying for me, for my soul, for my redemption. As those prayers by the very people I had injured so much were answered a change took place. Sin’s lure was replaced with Holy desire. Cold calculated evil intent was replaced with Holy Spirit deliverance and guidance. New more Godly influences abounded and evil was pushed off. Then came the most insidious attack of the enemy of God. Jesus who died for my sin was the perfect innocent Lamb of God. If I was to emulate Him, I must be perfect as well. The conflict was immediate and devastating. I could not be perfect for I was built upon the compilation of where we have been and what we have chosen. Even with His forgiveness and restoration the stark reality of day to day life was that my past was erased to Him but fully available to me.
It was years before I cursed, dabbled in pornography, lied to my benefit and the hurt of others. It was not even difficult to hide the anger and verbal abuse within my family. The controlling manipulating self-indulgence was masked by indignation at the open sins of others. Singing “Holy, Holy, Holy” was a direct contradiction to the reality of the despicable sin once again allowed by choice and desire. Being a Pastor and living different public and private lives is a greater reality than most believers realize. Reaching out to other church leaders finds a cautious admittance to an evil duality in many lives.
Sadly, in today’s churches, if many of our leaders were held to the same standards as the prophets of the Old Testament, few would live past the third year if ministry.
We are broken, scotch taped, rubber banded and falling apart at the seams. We are not perfect. No, it is not necessary for you to know the extent or depth of another’s sin. We are sinners saved by grace who need to be encouraged, chastised, convicted of our sin, held accountable for our choices and lovingly ministered to by the other sinners who surround us. When one hurts we all hurt.
There is no room for “Thank God they are being punished”. We should be acknowledging the “There but for the grace of God go I”. We have these three protections to our shielding:
1) The indwelling Holy Spirit, acknowledged and given completely authority over our lives daily and moment by moment.
2) The encouragement and company of the believers whose very presence keeps us from dark thoughts and ignoble deeds.
3) The knowledge that: we are not perfect He is; we cannot be God He is; and in His word is the answer to every temptation, every need, and every necessary spiritual food.
We don’t need excuses, we need truth. We don’t need denial, we need confession. We don’t need a twelve step plan, we need knees. We don’t need acceptance of sin, we need confession and forgiveness. We need others praying for us and with us. We are a needy hurting people who can only be patched together by God’s indwelling Holy Spirit leading us away from sin and into the marvelous presence of His glory. We need mending in Jesus with NO excuses.